Goals and Rewards FAQ – PLEASE READ

Lots of questions, confusion, and whatnot about goals and rewards. Please read this before posting anything further on the topic. And let’s collect additional question/responses in the comments below so that everyone has a place to go for the latest news and info. 

The Inmate Certificates

As of 21 March, 2018 (morning) these are at the printers. We expect to pick them up in the afternoon. I will then sign them. Then we’ll send them to the logistics partner for shipping to Patrons around the world. 

Shipping is done via the same service we use for items ordered from Mysterious. A tracking number will be assigned and that tracking number should be emailed to you. If you do not receive a tracking number via email (1+ week after we’ve said the Certificates have gone out) then you can message and ask for us to manually send it to you – but please don’t do this unless it’s in some way critical. 

Shipping usually takes 4 weeks to most places in the world. But shipping times can increase as a function of national holidays, storms, alien invasion, etc. We’ve seen it take as many as 8 weeks for deliveries to “strange places” – like Mexico, Romania, and Guam. (Ok, ok… these are not strange places, but places where the postal service is slow or otherwise dysfunctional). 

Items are shipped as “gift” but this does not guarantee that your local customs people won’t stop the package and demand VAT. We have no control over this. On that note, it’s always good to check with your local post office to see if they have your package – as packages which need VAT paid on them can end up stopped at the post office. 

(All this stuff about shipping will also apply to the Embroidered Patches – when we are finished with those and start shipping them… as of right now, we’ve not yet hit that goal).


For the certificates, if you were at $2 and above the month we hit the 555 goal (January 2018 – AKA Patrons who were charged in early February), then you are eligible to receive a certificate. Unfortunately, because these were exclusive rewards attached to that particular goal, if you missed it… well, you missed it. I cannot sell or otherwise provide you with a certificate. 

When the certificates are printed, signed, and have been sent to shipping, we’ll post that news here.

For the Embroidered Patches, you need to be at $5 (or above) when we process pledges for the month in which the 1000 Patron goal is hit. That might be this month (March) or next month (April). Hard to say right now (March 21st). The exclusive part of this reward is a 10th (not shown) patch which only Patrons will receive.  

The Embroidered Patches

If you miss out on this goal/reward then we’ll also offer the patches for sale at Mysterious. I’m guessing the price for the set (without the Patreon exclusive patch) will be around $20 (plus $5 shipping)… dunno yet, but certainly more than the $5 required to grab these here on Patreon. 

Again, the shipping stuff above also applies to shipping for the Patches. If you want to be certain that you receive the Patches then set your pledge at $5 (or more) and wait until we hit our goal and process payments for that month. 

It will take 30~40 days from the Goal for the Patches and backing cards to be manufactured and put together… though we’ve actually already started this process. Pirate Jam is going to slow things down by a week or two. We might safely assume delivery of Patches to Patrons around the world in… late May or early June? 


I hope that clears up everything. If you see someone asking questions about this topic, please help me point them to this post. Thank you!

Also.. suggestions on future Goals and Rewards?

Questions and feedback in the comments below. Yay! 

From Shanghai with Arrrg, Matey,


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